vs the rock: re-match

With the hopes and dreams of metre maids swarming us in Gold Coast disappearing faster then an egg fart in Rotorua the Fat pitches were now playing for Pride. All the talk of hitting a four off the last ball of the previous game was so far behind them that no one can even remember who it was facing the delivery.

Grudge match on, Fat Pitches Versus the Rock. This battle was much larger then the Domain, the announcement of these two teams colliding had surfed the Radio waves through out the whole of NZ. We were now playing for pride; we were playing for our country.

I put on my Blue Cap, waived good by to Ankit from Accounts and headed to meet my beloved pitches. As I arrived we looked like a team of washed up high school heroes, we were sure acting like them. Old Tollo and Rissa were rimming king of the Sacred Heart Castle, Du Pont, on the Neighbouring field instead of having TD’s. While Import Toppy Thompson was busy telling opposition Bryce Casey how great his voice is and showing him his best Morning Madhouse impersonations.

At least one horse was three lengths a head of the pack. Our newly selected Captain Deuschberg had won the toss. He elected to bat, but as we found out later, the choice was for the wrong team. For the former captain Glen Dowie tossing had become a problem, he never really got used to it without his cup of warm water handy.

So in came Anna Clypse with the Captain himself. A solid opening stanza saw the Pitches off to a confident start, but DK embarrassingly was out hit wicket, again could not convert that night. Next in was Rabfridi, Four! Six! Out! he looked in an awfully hurried to get back to his seat, as number one fan Stefni, was engaged in conversation with other fan faithful Goats.

Tolly fresh from last weeks unbeaten half century turned over strike for Man of the Match, Younge, who passed the half century mark for the second time in a hat trick of games. “Well done Tobes, you deserve that can of red” team and crowd favourite Don Jon said as he made his way into the middle. The crowd embraced some electric batting from Jono as he managed to pick the gaps superbly with an array of beautiful shots. Angelic! What a guy. Tolly on the other hand, was too busy admiring the batter at the other end and called yes! Calls of No! Yes! Yes! No! Waiting! were heard across the domain…too late. Tollo was gona, his bat could not reach the ground. Run out, 18 one run was dedicated to each girl he’d scored in the previous week.
Culled captain C Dow stepped in. Jono uncharacteristically tried to hit one out of the park, but he was clean bowled for a well played 14. Could the Fat pitches recover? Storm Hudson Dow (no relation to Tim Dow from the Northland Rugby Team) now played like he had the weight of captaincy off his shoulders. 40 off 22 including 26 off the last, steered the fat pitches to 168/4 off there allotted over’s.

Honourable mention to Scott, who supported Dow at the end and Chris who failed to see a ball, but was in the thick of the action with a dubious not out call from square leg. Sorry Bowse.
Was a very well batted innings, the pitches swaggered into the field arrogantly, as if were defending a monster. However the team, which I would normally rate as the best fielding team in the comp, were embarrassed in front of the crowd (Will). An effort only worth describing in Haiku -
WHACK! FOUR! SIX! WIDE! NO BALL!

Why doesn’t he bowl himself?
Disappointing, disheartening, LOST!

The only bright light in the dim bowling attack was Rab who managed 3 wickets, including two catches which surely deserves a pat on the back.

Player Points
Clyapse 3
Rab 2
Dow 1

Vs the rock

Plate Play offs!!

As we are all well a where the Fat Pitchs have not made the Champions round. All hopes and dreams of playing crixs in the deserts of Dubai have been shattered. All credibility of being the stand out new comers to the Last Man Standing comp have been extinguished. All redemption against certain teams such as looking 2 will not be rectified this session and this will be the summary of how we put our self's in this position.

Match summary

We went into the game with a feeling pretty relaxed . They weren't the strongest of teams based on there previous performances but in the back of our minds we knew it was a must win situation. The pitches were put out to field to what was to become an all and all tight bowling and fielding attack. The Small Rocks were all out for 138 off 19.2 overs. Knowing we had chased down higher totals in the past against better teams we felt confident at the change over. A top order crumble saw the the boys reaching for more darts in quick succession but who knew Fat pitches have tails under there skirts. It came down to the last over needing 9 from it.. the boys came up short by 2 balls...

Individual wraps and flaws

2m Peter : Probably the most gutsy 50 Ive seen.. When all hope had gone you restored a pride to a team that looked beat after the first 5 overs. Some great shot selection which included the forward defencive spoon dig out. Future warnings to all other teams, 'do not bowl short to this man. It will only reach his knees and he will probably hit you for 6'.. I bet you were telling all the shorty's in Ponsonby last night how you are in the running for the IPL .. But you deserved it. player performance 9/10

Nard : Great performance with the ball 3/21. Your spell included a slower ball that Clypes is putting forward for ball of the year. Breaking the stumps is a once in a life time feat.. Also not forgetting your pending hatrick ball for the next game..Now Nard how the fuck did you mange to run your self out on a double play.. very low point of your all round game. 6/10

Clypes : very good keeping once again, saw you save the boys a few runs..Great support form behind the wickets However the pitches # 1 consolidator didn't perform with the bat this week. 4/10

Jono : Not much to offer with the ball 2 overs with an economy of 8 per over. A solid performance with the bat had you end up on 40. you and Matty made up a large percentage of our chase. Some graceful shots and some stunning boundaries but unfortunately you couldn't quite get there in the end. After the game i remember you said you hadn't done good enough and you weren't happy.. Jono 40 is good enough and the likes of my 5 isn't. 7/10

Risa: 1/21 off 2 isn't the best but thanks for the wicket. I think the highlight of the day for you was your controversial run out.. good quick thinking to fire the ball in.. But as i said that was ya highlight. 2/10

Captain court: Poor individual performance with the bat and ball but as a captain there was good field placements, good bowling attack and good theory behind your batting line up. I personally don't see your decision as stepping down your roll as captain anyway benefiting the team at all. Its not going to change the way we hit a ball or drop a catch.. But whatever 2/10

Team sponsor Buffit: 2/11 off 4 was the only positive in my game. Taking the crease after a double play had accrued i should of been able add a bit more than five. Lowest score of the year not mint.. 4/10

Thanks to Little Colley for filling in.

Special thanks to Stef for calling the other team faggots.. You were quite right.. And i don't see how a team sponsored by the Rock can call you a westie and you take it as a mock..

So there we have it boys.. I wanted to point out the negatives this week because i think everyone had the say in why we are in this position and for us to realise we are all at fault..

On a brighter note I'm looking forward to smashing these B grade battlers in the plate division and getting our averages up.

The Pitchers are mint and crixs is mint!!!!!!

points:

toli3
jono2
nard1

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