VS. PWC: Plate Quarter Final

Monday, 15th March 2010-03-17
After a dubious decision by the Pure Blond Ryders not to turn up against The Rock in the previous competition that led to an easy victory to The Rock gaining all possible bonus points, and the number one spot the FAT PITCHES were left wondering if there season was completed for the summer. For this reason it was of great surprise that when searching for stats, we found out that we were in fact in the Plate Competition, and playing PWC, a team that included Dan A Stoneman who also recruited one Crab ‘don’t hit to me I’ll drop it” Strachan.

After another confident call by Captain Nard, the FAT PITCHES were opting to bat first again, a crucial call with the fading light that comes with playing cricket in March. Scotty and Clypse were once again opening, and had high expectations of following on from their 100 run partnership the previous game. This wasn’t to be though, with Scotty hauling out with after a quick 17 and Clypse giving catching practise to the mid wicket boundary after scoring 23. Courts was starting to prove his worth again as a number 3 batter, but was caught short running two on the deep covers arm. Jon says out, but was he wearing his glasses or was he just itching to get into bat next? After Jon’s huge call, he needed to make runs, and he didn’t disappoint. With some impressive hitting, well placed shots and back foot cover drives, a well deserved back to back 50 for Jontastic. A run a ball 10 from Riss, was scored during a crucial part of the game when consolidation was needed, and Rab came out firing bringing out the scoop shot for the second time this season off the bowling of Dan, before hauling out to the boundary off a delighted Crab delivery. Nard scored a well deserved 46 off 21 not out, falling short of his first 50 for the FAT PITCHES by 4 runs, but was a pleasure to watch dispatching Dan to all corners of the park.

198 off the 20 overs, and the FAT PITCHES were feeling confident that they would proceed to the semis.

Rab and Nard were given the ball early to try take a few wickets, but were unable to brake the opening pair and Matty was thrown the ball to mix it up with his medium fast at your stumps line, taking 1 for 40 off 4. Riss proved his worth with the ball, taking 3 for 18 off 4 in a very impressive bowling effort that also left Dan with the long walk back to the pavilion. Jon made sure everyone knew he not only could bat, but also bowl, and mixed up his line with coming around the wicket, picking up 1 for 21 off 2.

PWC never really looked in the game, and by the end of the day, the light was fading, Rab was bowling bouncers, the FAT PITCHES looked like the dominating team and one wicket was needed After another impressive showing from behind the stumps, Courts was chosen to put the final nail in the coffin. Not to disappoint, we saw the usual half tracker that has not been missed, a few wides and no balls, but after 8 deliveries, PWC were bowled out.

Well done to the PITCHES. Special mention goes to the fielding effort put in by the team, espicially the commitment shown by Scotty at deep mid on.
Next Monday we have the semis then final on Wednesday should we play well enough to get there.

With not knowing who our opponent will be, one can only guess another victory will be had.
3 points - Jon
2 points - Riss
1 point – Nard

vs. lec safe shockers

Report by Scotty T.

well boys was a great game today set up nicely with nard winning the toss
clypse an i opened notching up 50 a piece after 9 overs with 100 or so on the board jon an courts came in and belted them around the park with a race to get to the 50 mile stone jon and courts carrying on the good work that me a clypse set up, not to mention rissa chimed in with a telling 9 before getting bowled by
the pie chucker the eyes lit up and played the shot to fast, gutted riss as there was a 50 for everyone who went out to bat. nard came in a should have been out apart from some dubious squearleg upireing from rabb. Rabb soond joined nard and took our total to 200 and something , absoulutly out of reach for the other team.
we bowled well tolly who was chomping at the bit to get in the game got smacked for 14 offf our opening over but fought back hard to grab a wicket which was ell taken by courts behind the stumps who took 2 catches for the day.
rabb bowled as well as he always did taking 3 for stuff all, riss and jon bowled supurb in tandem tieing them down before riss got his own back on pie chucker and bowled him with a corker that chris pringle would have been proud of.
in the end we were a lil complacent not getting them out earlier, should have had em after 10 - 12 overs,
double bonus points well earned
player of the rabb voted by nard but not to over shadow the four of the top 5 scoreing 50s welll done

fart!

vs the rock: re-match

With the hopes and dreams of metre maids swarming us in Gold Coast disappearing faster then an egg fart in Rotorua the Fat pitches were now playing for Pride. All the talk of hitting a four off the last ball of the previous game was so far behind them that no one can even remember who it was facing the delivery.

Grudge match on, Fat Pitches Versus the Rock. This battle was much larger then the Domain, the announcement of these two teams colliding had surfed the Radio waves through out the whole of NZ. We were now playing for pride; we were playing for our country.

I put on my Blue Cap, waived good by to Ankit from Accounts and headed to meet my beloved pitches. As I arrived we looked like a team of washed up high school heroes, we were sure acting like them. Old Tollo and Rissa were rimming king of the Sacred Heart Castle, Du Pont, on the Neighbouring field instead of having TD’s. While Import Toppy Thompson was busy telling opposition Bryce Casey how great his voice is and showing him his best Morning Madhouse impersonations.

At least one horse was three lengths a head of the pack. Our newly selected Captain Deuschberg had won the toss. He elected to bat, but as we found out later, the choice was for the wrong team. For the former captain Glen Dowie tossing had become a problem, he never really got used to it without his cup of warm water handy.

So in came Anna Clypse with the Captain himself. A solid opening stanza saw the Pitches off to a confident start, but DK embarrassingly was out hit wicket, again could not convert that night. Next in was Rabfridi, Four! Six! Out! he looked in an awfully hurried to get back to his seat, as number one fan Stefni, was engaged in conversation with other fan faithful Goats.

Tolly fresh from last weeks unbeaten half century turned over strike for Man of the Match, Younge, who passed the half century mark for the second time in a hat trick of games. “Well done Tobes, you deserve that can of red” team and crowd favourite Don Jon said as he made his way into the middle. The crowd embraced some electric batting from Jono as he managed to pick the gaps superbly with an array of beautiful shots. Angelic! What a guy. Tolly on the other hand, was too busy admiring the batter at the other end and called yes! Calls of No! Yes! Yes! No! Waiting! were heard across the domain…too late. Tollo was gona, his bat could not reach the ground. Run out, 18 one run was dedicated to each girl he’d scored in the previous week.
Culled captain C Dow stepped in. Jono uncharacteristically tried to hit one out of the park, but he was clean bowled for a well played 14. Could the Fat pitches recover? Storm Hudson Dow (no relation to Tim Dow from the Northland Rugby Team) now played like he had the weight of captaincy off his shoulders. 40 off 22 including 26 off the last, steered the fat pitches to 168/4 off there allotted over’s.

Honourable mention to Scott, who supported Dow at the end and Chris who failed to see a ball, but was in the thick of the action with a dubious not out call from square leg. Sorry Bowse.
Was a very well batted innings, the pitches swaggered into the field arrogantly, as if were defending a monster. However the team, which I would normally rate as the best fielding team in the comp, were embarrassed in front of the crowd (Will). An effort only worth describing in Haiku -
WHACK! FOUR! SIX! WIDE! NO BALL!

Why doesn’t he bowl himself?
Disappointing, disheartening, LOST!

The only bright light in the dim bowling attack was Rab who managed 3 wickets, including two catches which surely deserves a pat on the back.

Player Points
Clyapse 3
Rab 2
Dow 1

Vs the rock

Plate Play offs!!

As we are all well a where the Fat Pitchs have not made the Champions round. All hopes and dreams of playing crixs in the deserts of Dubai have been shattered. All credibility of being the stand out new comers to the Last Man Standing comp have been extinguished. All redemption against certain teams such as looking 2 will not be rectified this session and this will be the summary of how we put our self's in this position.

Match summary

We went into the game with a feeling pretty relaxed . They weren't the strongest of teams based on there previous performances but in the back of our minds we knew it was a must win situation. The pitches were put out to field to what was to become an all and all tight bowling and fielding attack. The Small Rocks were all out for 138 off 19.2 overs. Knowing we had chased down higher totals in the past against better teams we felt confident at the change over. A top order crumble saw the the boys reaching for more darts in quick succession but who knew Fat pitches have tails under there skirts. It came down to the last over needing 9 from it.. the boys came up short by 2 balls...

Individual wraps and flaws

2m Peter : Probably the most gutsy 50 Ive seen.. When all hope had gone you restored a pride to a team that looked beat after the first 5 overs. Some great shot selection which included the forward defencive spoon dig out. Future warnings to all other teams, 'do not bowl short to this man. It will only reach his knees and he will probably hit you for 6'.. I bet you were telling all the shorty's in Ponsonby last night how you are in the running for the IPL .. But you deserved it. player performance 9/10

Nard : Great performance with the ball 3/21. Your spell included a slower ball that Clypes is putting forward for ball of the year. Breaking the stumps is a once in a life time feat.. Also not forgetting your pending hatrick ball for the next game..Now Nard how the fuck did you mange to run your self out on a double play.. very low point of your all round game. 6/10

Clypes : very good keeping once again, saw you save the boys a few runs..Great support form behind the wickets However the pitches # 1 consolidator didn't perform with the bat this week. 4/10

Jono : Not much to offer with the ball 2 overs with an economy of 8 per over. A solid performance with the bat had you end up on 40. you and Matty made up a large percentage of our chase. Some graceful shots and some stunning boundaries but unfortunately you couldn't quite get there in the end. After the game i remember you said you hadn't done good enough and you weren't happy.. Jono 40 is good enough and the likes of my 5 isn't. 7/10

Risa: 1/21 off 2 isn't the best but thanks for the wicket. I think the highlight of the day for you was your controversial run out.. good quick thinking to fire the ball in.. But as i said that was ya highlight. 2/10

Captain court: Poor individual performance with the bat and ball but as a captain there was good field placements, good bowling attack and good theory behind your batting line up. I personally don't see your decision as stepping down your roll as captain anyway benefiting the team at all. Its not going to change the way we hit a ball or drop a catch.. But whatever 2/10

Team sponsor Buffit: 2/11 off 4 was the only positive in my game. Taking the crease after a double play had accrued i should of been able add a bit more than five. Lowest score of the year not mint.. 4/10

Thanks to Little Colley for filling in.

Special thanks to Stef for calling the other team faggots.. You were quite right.. And i don't see how a team sponsored by the Rock can call you a westie and you take it as a mock..

So there we have it boys.. I wanted to point out the negatives this week because i think everyone had the say in why we are in this position and for us to realise we are all at fault..

On a brighter note I'm looking forward to smashing these B grade battlers in the plate division and getting our averages up.

The Pitchers are mint and crixs is mint!!!!!!

points:

toli3
jono2
nard1

.

vs. Pure Blonde Ryders

Match report By Chris Swann

13.01.10

It was the first game back for 2010 and the Fat Pitches walked out with a pretty relaxed if not even a little cocky approach. With brains and general reaction times obviously affected from the New Years antics the warm up left a lot to be desired. So after 15mins of laughter and taking the piss out of each other for dropping balls and miss fielding left right and centre we entered the field.

Match Summary:
The Fat Pitches turned out with a dominant display against a pretty pathetic team if we’re being honest about it. The bowling was sharp as it has been for the last few games and The Pure Blonde Ryders were all out for 103 after just 17 overs. After another re shuffle of the batting order the Fat Pitches got off to a somewhat shaky start, but after the initial wicket, some form of strength returned to the batting line up and the target was knocked down in 15.3 overs with 3 wickets in hand. A great team performance by the Fat Pitches with everyone picking up a wicket.

Individual Wraps:

Tim Bogle: A slightly expensive bowling spell was topped off with an absolute peach of a delivery which lead to his first wicket as a Fat Pitcher, great effort Timmy. After taking his first wicket he was full of confidence and keen to bat up the order. After seeing off the new ball we started to see a range of shots that we all knew you were capable of, finishing with 5 off 11, a very mature innings…

Courtney Dow: Captain Dow, should be very happy with your performance with both the bat and ball. Leading from the front as usual and finishing with 15 off 9 and 1 for 9 off just the 2 overs. The only sign of weakness shown was your fear of the street gang loitering around our cars, and whether they would steal the plastic bag holding up your front bumper.

Dylan Kirshberg: Getting the Pitches off to a great start with one of the bowling spells of the season. After being unlucky with some edges going for four and some miss fielding from our resident fine leg fielder, still achieving some great stats of 2 for 18 off 4. Your batting effort however, was in complete contrast with a poor effort with the bat, only scoring 2 off 4, unlucky…

Jimmy Buffit: Not only our team sponsor but also one of our most consistent players who either performs with the bat or ball, if not both. In this case it was both, with some excellent bowling figures of 1 for 9 off 2 and blasting an impressive 35 off 16 including probably the biggest 6 we’ve seen.

Jono Maybe: John, probably a game you would prefer to forget. The bowling was never gonna go your way with numerous miss fields costing boundaries, edges going for four, and I’ll throw in some dropped catches as well. Ending up with 1/19 off two, a little expensive but you got that vital wicket… Not a bad effort with the bat, scoring 12 off 9, leaving you pretty pissed off and the usual tantrum to follow.

Toby Younge: The ever reliable Clypse at the top of the batting order did not disappoint with yet another great score of 34 off 31 deliveries. This was started off with a season topping performance in the gloves with some amazing boundary saves down the leg side, a stunning catch and a morally 50/50 stumping which in the end he deserved to go, if for the very least being an idiot.

Matt Tolich: Probably one of your better games although there are still a few too many wides, we’ll have to get the tree run back in at training. Finishing with 1 for 16 off 2.2 overs, a pass mark achieved. With the batting order collapsing the pressure was on but in true two meter peter style you rose above it all, literally above everyone, and smacked the winning runs. Your fielding also deserves a mention with two great catches, one reminiscent of a stumbling giraffe running towards its tree, but great catches all the same.

With only one game left and two weeks off it is in the hands of the cricketing gods, and if there is any justice results will go our way and rain out a couple games.

Player Points

James Lucas 3
Dylan Kirshberg 1.5
Toby Young 1.5

Now quit your bitching, it’s done